Things On The Road That Bother Me

This might be a lengthy post considering that there is so much on the road that bothers me. Let us begin.
I don't like SUV's. They're like the new van. Remember vans? They were big and you could carry lots of cargo and your 15 kids all at the same time. When I was little we did just that. Then me and my siblings grew up and my parents got a nice car that didn't chew through fuel at 4 miles to the gallon. See? We don't hate the ozone like some people. Ozone haters.
But who do I see driving SUV's? Definitely not soccer moms with 22 kids. NO! Sitting in the cockpit of these behemoths I see Depend-wearing Wal-Mart greeters who have the uncanny ability to thoroughly inspect their own teeth without the assistance of a mirror. Whatever happened to old people driving sensible cars? When did the Cadillac luxury sedan no longer look good with wrinkles? There's a reason it's called the Grandma Car!
The other type of person I see driving SUV's that really grinds my gears is the preppy kid (gender nonspecific) under 25 whose parents are way too rich and spoiling and who needs to be shot in the foot. Better yet, make that both feet. We don't want them limping off for help. I hope the SUV becomes the next Grandma Car so that a stigma of driving a never-seen-offroad offroad vehicle is cemented into the hearts of demographic (2).
PT Cruisers, dubbed the Midlifecrisismobile. Seriously. Try finding someone under the age of 45 driving one of these.
Scion xB's. They're trying to pass as an extreme vehicle with a look that says you're an individual. But what the look tells people is that you're ugly. Just like the car you drive. At least the Volkswagon Van was retro; what's your excuse for looking like a loaf of bread?
People with GPS devices annoy me. Don't get me wrong, GPS units can be horribly useful. But how often? Maybe once a year if you happen to be taking a family vacation to a destination you've never been before or something of the like. But I'm hoping that by now most would know by heart how to get to the store, or work... or home!
GPS users remind me of myself with my first multifunction digital watch. I would play with that thing constantly. If someone were to announce that a particular activity would last a minute, I would set the timer to a precise 60 seconds and hit go. Boy, it really bugged the heck out of them when it started beeping but their precious activity wasn't over. Tough. You're done.
I believe GPS doodads were devices intended to be big for about five months, then the following summer there's a really good deal on cars where the dealerships try to promote random road trips in your new 18 mpg SUV (*hack!* *cough!* *gag!* *acid reflux!*) and the start of their sales pitch begins with something like, "Dig that old GPS out of the closet--" or "Time to dust off your old GPS--". Implying, of course, that GPS devices are old and forgotten. Which they should be, because if the county on your plate matches the county in which you're driving, you should know where you are and you should know where you're going. I'm right.
Honda Elements. Ugly.
Chevy HHR. Ugly.
Toyota Prius. Fruity.
Jeep Patriot. I'm not really against these all that much. I just wanted to point out how funny I think these are. Apparently nobody at Jeep played Grand Theft Auto that much. Apparently nor did anyone who bought one of these.